'Tis the season

We are entering that time of year, that marvelous season, the season that frequent travelers dread. Not the holiday season. Amateur season.

The hallmark of amateur season is travelers who fly only once a year, and only during the summer or over the holidays (Santa Claus excepted, of course). You can spot the amateurs a concourse away: No idea where their driver's license is when they get to the security checkpoint. No idea where their boarding pass is. Expressions of childlike wonderment when the TSA asks them simple questions, such as, "Did you realize hunting knives aren't allowed in carry-on luggage?"

And yes, as a frequent business traveler, I've seen all of the above. Especially since, as a Business Traveler of Very Little Brain, I actually decided to get on a flight yesterday, the busiest travel day of the year (and possibly the busiest travel day since 2000), to visit my parents in California over Thanksgiving.

The good news: At SeaTac, anticipated horrendous lines never appeared to materialize, thanks in part to the TSA deciding to open a temporary, additional holiday checkpoint. There was even good humor and a glint of intelligence in the eyes of the TSA screeners (something I hadn't seen since the early days of the TSA; I welcome its return).

The less good news: Amateur season travelers who don't, well, seem to realize they are amateurs. Like the woman who brought a "carry on" roller bag onboard my Alaska Airlines flight that was too heavy for her to lift, almost too heavy for the flight attendant to lift and required my help to get it in an overhead compartment. (Tip: If the bag exceeds half your weight, check it.) Like the parents who think that flight attendants are baby sitters disguised in uniform and let their children repeatedly ring the flight attendant call button, then express amazement that the flight attendant can't get their child to stop doing it.

So in the spirit of making Amateur Season a bit more palatable to all, I'd like to make a few humble suggestions to Alaska, Northwest and all the other airlines I frequent to the tune of more than one hundred thousand miles each year:

To create more space in the overhead bins, install trash compactors. Not only will they dramatically increase storage, but will do away with the fragile gift problem once and for all.

To make it easier to get around those beverage and food carts in the 16.5" wide aisles (especially on some Northwest 757-300s), put strips of Velcro on the ceiling over the aisle. Then give each passenger Velcro gloves and booties. It should make it a lot simpler to get to the lavatories, if you don't mind looking like the passengers and flight attendants on the Pam Am flight in 2001: A Space Odyssey.

Create a new class of cabin. I'd call it the Screaming Baby Optional cabin. It needs no further explanation.

Hopefully, these modest ideas will make the holidays a bit easier on everyone. Merry Amateur Season to all, and to all a good flight.